The parties over.....

I am tired of being tired.

I feel fat. I look fat.

I am not living the life I am set out to live. I am more that what I am right now.

The last few months I have drank accessibly which triggers tons of eating CRAP! My boyfriend and I have fallen into this cycle. It has been our way of having a FUN night. We both agree it has to stop. I am putting it out there to keep it honest. I want to compete in April but I have to get on training and eating right again.

I am connecting with me again and taking control.

Once and for all.

 



Reclaiming my life...

Man. If there ever was a bottom, I am starting from it.
Last post I was eight weeks out from second competition. I was bigger and was going to look better. But I had an injury flare up and alot of stress was going on. I told myself I would never prep for a competition under a great deal of stress again. I did the first time and it took away from the experience so much. I have used every excuse in the book to derail from my training since the spring. I have put on weight, feel tired and just very down on myself.
I know me. And me needs a goal again. I need to compete. It's the only thing that every pushed me to achieve my ultimate physique. I also need to find the balance to maintain a tight, healthy, strong body. What I am now is not me. I am months of eating and drinking what ever I want and barely going to the gym.
So..back to my goal. Atlantics is in April 2013. I have 7 months to completely transform my body. No excuses about my injury. I am going to start physio and work around it. I am going to stop drinking and stuffing my face with garbage. I am more than that. I have people that look up to me and I have been hibernating and not letting my light shine.
Time to Shine.
Beast Mode....ON!

 This was taken at start of prep this past year. Feb 2012. I love to train hard and heavy and it's so discouraging to be making gains and then with a shoulder injury and elbow tendinitis on top, it affected so much of what I could do and I had to drop the weight so low. Time to get it back! And be easy on my self.
First competition, I crashed dieted for 12 weeks. I have way more time this time around to bring it all back. I want to be that inspiration again. I will be 42 years old when I step back on stage.

It seems to have been a constant with me hitting the reset button over the last several months, BUT I keep hitting it and this time it's going to stick!! Feeling the flame inside, watch me burnnnnn!!!!

8 Weeks.

I have tried uploading progress pics but it's not workinggggg.....grrrrr

BUT, progress is being made. I am going through "not sure if I will be ready" thinking again. My coach assures me I will and I he told me before I would and I was! It really is a mental battle during prep. Understandably before me first show. I do know more of what to expect this time but dealing with some stress and wondering if I can mentally handle prep. I just want to comfort myself with FOOD!!

Big lesson learned is that if I want to another show is not to go off the rails in off season. I gained too much weight back and it's making it alot tougher than necessary.

Hopefully I will be able to add pics soon. Going to try and blog more over the next 2 months leading up to show time!! As long as I don't quit!

10 weeks! GO TIME!

So it's all getting more serious and real that I am actually doing this again. I am starting to lean out and see my muscle definition coming back. That is exciting!!!!

Before looking ahead it would seem like I had a lot of time. But I know now from experience 10 weeks is not long, it's gonna fly!! yikes!

 Training Session with my Trainer last Friday night and he snapped a few pics of my back. He is really impressed with the muscle I have put on. When he sent these to me, I got excited! It's so easy to get caught up on the problem areas and not see the good stuff that is happening. I am upping my cardio and really going to try and get a jump on the weight loss. I want to be ready earlier this time and not freaking out til the last week. I will probably freak out up the last week anyways, even if I am super ready. This is a scary thing!!

 Food prep. I really take time to make my food interesting. I LOVE to eat and am not good with bland! I had trouble with binging last time and am really going to try and stay away from doing that. This time my plan is to keep my cheats "clean". When I post my meals and stuff on FB, people often ask for the "recipe". It's no recipe, it's just a little extra time to chop and add color and spices to make it look and taste delicious!