Reclaiming my life...

Man. If there ever was a bottom, I am starting from it.
Last post I was eight weeks out from second competition. I was bigger and was going to look better. But I had an injury flare up and alot of stress was going on. I told myself I would never prep for a competition under a great deal of stress again. I did the first time and it took away from the experience so much. I have used every excuse in the book to derail from my training since the spring. I have put on weight, feel tired and just very down on myself.
I know me. And me needs a goal again. I need to compete. It's the only thing that every pushed me to achieve my ultimate physique. I also need to find the balance to maintain a tight, healthy, strong body. What I am now is not me. I am months of eating and drinking what ever I want and barely going to the gym.
So..back to my goal. Atlantics is in April 2013. I have 7 months to completely transform my body. No excuses about my injury. I am going to start physio and work around it. I am going to stop drinking and stuffing my face with garbage. I am more than that. I have people that look up to me and I have been hibernating and not letting my light shine.
Time to Shine.
Beast Mode....ON!

 This was taken at start of prep this past year. Feb 2012. I love to train hard and heavy and it's so discouraging to be making gains and then with a shoulder injury and elbow tendinitis on top, it affected so much of what I could do and I had to drop the weight so low. Time to get it back! And be easy on my self.
First competition, I crashed dieted for 12 weeks. I have way more time this time around to bring it all back. I want to be that inspiration again. I will be 42 years old when I step back on stage.

It seems to have been a constant with me hitting the reset button over the last several months, BUT I keep hitting it and this time it's going to stick!! Feeling the flame inside, watch me burnnnnn!!!!

I suck!

I know that is not a very nice thing to tell myself " I suck" but that is what I feel like! :( I slacked off hard this past month and diet was way off and I so feel it and see it. I am starting to think I am too far behind to be ready for April. I have been sick this past week and heading to gym tonight after not training for a week!! I am looking forward to going back and reconnecting with the weights. That's where the magic happens, that's where the body is built and sculpted. BUT most important, to show it all off, the diet has to be tight and that is what's coming up next!

 

 

I am giving myself 4 weeks and I will decide if I am going to be able to compete. It's alot of hard work and I want to be mentally prepared. If I do this show I am planning on doing one in November too and two shows in one year is hard but why not? I know I can do it if I put my mind to it. And I have to stop with the negative talk or at least lessen it. I put myself down too much and it's self defeating. I am capable of so much.

 

Believe in yourself Jillian. You are awesome and going to step on stage again at 41!! Show 'em!! Show yourself what can be done. Here's to a postive 2013 filled with growth, success and many blessings. :)